


It's A Bitch Convincing People To Like You

by Rine3195



Series: Ethan Green Is Alive and Wilbur Cross Gets Redeemed Fuck You [3]
Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid
Genre: Multi, Nonbinary Ethan Green, Redemption, Thats becoming my brand now lmao, Wilbur is trying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24165346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rine3195/pseuds/Rine3195
Summary: It's Wilbur Cross redemption time bitch here we go.
Relationships: Lex Foster/Ethan Green, Xander Lee/John McNamara
Series: Ethan Green Is Alive and Wilbur Cross Gets Redeemed Fuck You [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1738759
Comments: 56
Kudos: 75





	1. Prologue: And I'm So Ready To Wake Up

Wiley's soul was returning.

How the hell was that possible? It had been 13 years since he had become trapped in the Black and White, and thus, thirteen years since his soul was taken from him.

In PEIP, there was a saying: Five Years Under Another's Control: Ten Years To Get Back. Was he the exception to the rule, or was he just mistaken? Wiley started to think. The stirring in his chest was something he had felt, but not like this, never like this. He was trying to remember when he'd felt it, when he felt the presence of something behind him. Without turning around, he knew exactly what it was.

"What the hell do you want, Wiggly?" he said, not even looking at it. 

Wiggly tutted. "That's not very nice of you, now is it, Wiley?"

"Wiggly, I really couldn't give less of a shit. What do you want?"

"I need you to get Ethan Green for me, Wiley. We've been trying for over a month now. You need to try a different tactic."

Wiley gritted his teeth. "Might I remind you that this was _your_ idea? Or do you consider that blasphemous, to remind you of the fact that this was your idea that has been _failing_?"

Wiggly giggled strangely. "I don't think you want to get sarcastic with me, Wiley. You're going to regret it."

Wiley finally turned and faced the ominously bright eyes. "Wiggly, I couldn't give less of a shit about what you could do to me. It can't be much anyways, considering how we're trapped in this godforsaken interdimensional wasteland, huh?"

There was a long silence, during which Wiley regretted nothing he said. It was all true. He was starting to remember everything Wiggly had made him do and he was furious. He'd killed people, assaulted others, been an absolute fucking creep. All of his morality and memories were flooding back. He didn't regret anything he said, in fact, he would have said worse in a heartbeat. Maybe Ethan was rubbing off on him. Nah, that kid was _definitely_ rubbing off on him. Ethan's confidence was a reassurance: if Wiggly couldn't harm Ethan, then it probably didn't have the power to harm him.

Then, finally, Wiggly spoke, and he didn't feel as confident anymore.

"I cannot hurt Ethan Green because their soul is not within the Black and White. However, though your soul may be returning, it still belongs to me, like it or not," Wiggly said calmly yet coldly. So cold, it gave him shivers. "So, why don't you keep talking, and see just what I can do to you?"

Wiley considered shutting up, backing down. But he couldn't. His soul was burning brighter by minute and there was no turning back. It was wrong to stay silent. It was right to speak up.

Without hesitation, he said. "Wiggly, you're a fucking bitch."

The gigantic eyes dimmed, then grew the brightest he'd ever seen them. "You're going to pay for that one." Wiggly giggled.

Wiley squared his shoulders. He was tough. He could take a lot of things. For pity's sake, he could teleport in and out of the Black and White. That was always painful. He'd trained with PEIP. He could-

The torture that followed went on for what felt like years and was by far the worst he'd ever been through, and he'd been through a lot. Wiggly broke him down, piece by piece by piece. Wiley's newly returned soul was shattered into a million pieces.

Wiley lay on the ground sobbing. Everything hurt. He'd never been in worse pain. Wiggly giggled. "Not so tough now, are you? I think I'd like an apology, hm?"

He snarled. "Just you wait, you son of a bitch. I'm getting out of here and you won't be able to stop me."

Wiggly laughed. "'Getting out?' How do you expect to do that? Beg Green to help you? That's doubtful. If I were them, I wouldn't trust you with anything."

Wiley couldn't help himself. He started crying. Wiggly was right. He was so fucking trapped it wasn't even funny. He couldn't even try and pin it on Wiggly, say that it was his fault for possessing him. It was all his fault. He should have been stronger. All of his memories were bleeding through the mental walls Wiggly had built within Wiley's mind, and they ranged from happy-Schaffer getting her first promotion, John grinning at him proudly after a successful mission-to heartbreaking-killing a bystander for the first time, his dad screaming at him with the stench of bourbon in the air. Emotions, ones he hadn't felt in thirteen years, flooded through him. He wanted it to be over, but at the same time, feeling again was a luxury.

"Your soul is mine, minion. You're mine, and that is never going to change." Wiggly's presence faded, until Wiley found himself alone. He shook with sobs and from fear. He was never getting out of here. He was trapped. The knowledge made him sob even harder.

Then, he heard a quiet voice. "Hey, hey dude? Are you okay?"

It was Ethan. The second he heard the voice, he started crying even harder. Ethan's voice reminded him of everything he couldn't have: a family, a life outside of the Black and White. 

Emotions and yearning really were a bitch. 

He looked up as his sobs subsided, and saw Ethan on the ground next to him. That was weird.

"Why are you still here?" Wiley asked, sitting up and wiping his tears away.

"Well, I had a really good musical today, it's all about young people rebelling since you seemed to be super into it with Hadestown."

Wiley smiled sadly. "Alright, kid. Hit me."

Ethan grinned and stood up. "Okay, here we go. Matilda: the Musical."

Wiley almost busted a gut laughing.

When it came down to it, however, Matilda was a sweet musical. It took them a while to get to the rebellion songs, but it was worth it. The performance was also a nice distraction from everything going on. Finally, Ethan finished and sat down, satisfied. "You should hear my girlfriend sing My House. She sounds like an angel." They looked wistful. "I wish she'd sing more. We haven't sang together in a while. It’s been tense where I’m staying at the moment."

There was a tense silence. “I suppose I’m to blame for that, huh?”

Ethan shrugged. “Yeah. You are. But something’s changing with you.”

Wiley turned to them, puzzled. “What do you mean?”

Ethan shrugged, frowning. “I dunno, but… you’re different. Something about you is different. Your eyes aren’t glowing, for one.”

“Well, I may have- Wait, my eyes were glowing?!"

“Yeah, they were kinda glowing yellow. It was pretty fucking creepy, not gonna lie.”

Wiley stood up. "Ethan, I'm gonna have to send you back early. Did you say my eyes were glowing yellow, but now they aren't?"

"Um, yeah. They're kinda hazel-ish now, in case you were worried. I thought that was just, like, a Black and White thing. Is it not?"

"No, it's worse. But now it's better. I have to figure everything out, so I'm sending you back early."

"Wai-" He snapped his fingers and Ethan was gone.

Wiley-he was really despising the name now- started to think. Every time someone else had had glowing yellow eyes like Ethan had described, it was because Wiggly had possessed them. He'd seen them on Linda and all the crazed shoppers in the mall. Had he been… possessed?

It was a question he didn't have to answer. He marched to the edge of the place he knew Wiggly retreated, cupped his hands around his mouth, and screamed, "HEY ASSHOLE!"

The eyes immediately appeared. "What the hell do you want now, minion?"

Wiley-Wilbur, that had been his name- stood straight up and stared into the eyes that had scared him, that he had worshipped, that he no longer would follow the guidance of. "You are never going to control me again. We may be stuck here forever, but you will never use me again. You were possessing me and it's never going to happen again. Ever."

Wiggly growled, an inhuman, absolutely disturbing sound, and his eyes glowed even fiercer that before. "I told you not to test me again-!"

Wilbur braced himself for the intense pain that was sure to follow. Then, something truly bizarre happened. He felt a strong pull in his stomach that grew tighter and more unbearable, and the eyes faded. Wilbur heard Wiggly scream with rage as all the black expanse grew into white.

He tried to open his mouth, but couldn't. He couldn't move, but he wasn't in pain. He felt strangely calm, almost peaceful. Then, Wilbur heard a strange woman's voice speak. It was comforting, soft. Motherly.

_You have suffered long enough, Cross. You have been trapped there for thirteen years, and I'm sorry I did not intervene earlier. Things have been bad, but they will get better. It will take time for people to trust you again. Know this, but also know that if you try, you will be trusted again by the people that matter most. Go on, Wilbur._ Wake.

Everything disappeared, and he heard someone fuzzily. He blinked his eyes and was instantly blinded by the way too bright lights. Thankfully, they were quickly blocked by a face. Wilbur squinted and caught sight of a single silver hoop earring, short curly hair, and grey eyes. 

"Hi, Ethan."

Ethan slowly came into focus with a strange expression on their face. "Wiley? How did you-"

"I've got no idea. Lovely to see you in the physical world, Ethan. Could you get me a glass of water?"


	2. Chapter One: You Are A Stranger Here, Why Have You Come?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wilbur discovers that being human is kind of overrated (or is it?) and Ethan and Lex are kind of done

Wilbur sat at the kitchen table awkwardly. His eyes darted around the kitchen, never staying in one place. It was a habit. A habit he'd had for a while and he didn't know why.

Ethan brought him a glass of water. In the Black and White, he never had to eat or drink. Even when he teleported to physical ground, he didn't feel the need to. Wilbur hadn't eaten or drank in so long, he was scared to see what it would be like. He took the glass and gingerly studied it. Ethan sat across from him, not saying anything. Ethan finally cleared their throat. "So, are you going to drink the water or not?"

Wilbur jumped. He finally took a small, hesitant sip of the water. It wasn't half bad, but it didn't have a lot of flavor. He started to take bigger sips and started to feel better. Wilbur hadn't realized how fatigued he felt.

"So," Wilbur finally said, breaking the long, awkward silence. "Is water always this bland?"

Ethan looked at him. "Well, I mean, you can like, put fruit in it, or it could be sparkling water, and-why are we talking about water?!" 

"Because I asked."

"I was trying to have a peaceful day! By myself!" yelled Ethan, slamming their hands on the table. 

"I'm sure."

"And then all of a sudden, a person just fucking appears on my floor! A person that tortured me!"

"Well, see, I thought we had struck up a kind of camaraderie in the Black-"

"What is everyone going to think when they get home?!"

"Oh yeah, where is everyone?" Wilbur asked, looking around. It was awfully quiet in the house.

"Becky's at the hospital working, Tom, Hannah, and Tim are at school, and Lex is at this interview with some weird organization." Ethan sighed, anxiously tapping the table. "You don't seem to understand how much I'm freaking out over this."

"You don't think I'm freaking out too? I have an actual human body again! This hasn't happened in thirteen years!" Wilbur yelled.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. We're both freaking out. Let's calm down. Take a deep breath."

"Oh yeah, I can breathe again!" Wilbur exclaimed, face lighting up. The sensation of oxygen flow was welcome. He'd completely forgotten how it felt to breathe. It was fascinating.

Ethan looked at him in shock. "You couldn't breathe?!"

"I was technically dead, my dude."

Ethan shook their head. "This is the wildest thing that's ever happened to me."

Wilbur looked at them in confusion. "Didn't you die and get resurrected by your girlfriend?"

Ethan dreamily smiled. "She did. I love her so much."

Wilbur shook his head. "The youth sure have changed in thirteen years."

"Look, sometimes you die, have your soul stolen-" They shot a pointed glance at Wilbur, who put his hands up in self-defense. "-and have to have your incredibly amazing and beautiful girlfriend pull you out of a different dimension. It just be like that sometimes." Ethan finished, reclining back in their chair casually like what they had just described happened to everyone.

"No?? That has literally never happened to anyone but you?"

"Again, dude. It be like that sometimes."

Wilbur shook his head and started to stand. Bad idea. "Holy shit, the room is spinning. Why the fuck is the room spinning?" He grabbed the table and sank back down.

"You're hungry. Hold on, I'll go make something. Drink some water in the meantime." Ethan said, rushing over to the kitchen and getting out some things quickly. Wilbur shakily sipped his water. "Hey, my hands shaking isn't normal, right?"

"Nope. Symptom of low blood sugar.”

“Huh, being human again kind of sucks.”

Ethan snorted. “Tell me about it, bitch.” They walked over and set down a sandwich in front of him.

Wilbur didn't care what was in it. He was absolutely starving. He picked it up and bit into it. He couldn't recognize a single flavor, but it was good.

"What is this?" he asked with his mouth full. Ethan gave him a confused look, so Wilbur finished chewing and repeated the question.

"Caprese sandwich. Tomato, mozzarella, and basil. Enjoy."

Wilbur frowned and took another bite. It tasted better with every bite. "So you just have the ingredients for caprese lying around?"

"Hannah likes the texture of the mozzarella. She always has one for lunch."

Wilbur hummed in acknowledgement. "Is everyone gonna freak out when they get home?"

“Well, depending on how well they know you, maybe, maybe not. See, if Becky gets home first, which is unlikely, she’ll be worried, but I’ll explain what’s happening and everything will be okay. If Tom and the kids get home first, Tom is just gonna kill you on sight.”

“What?!”

“Kidding! Tom wouldn’t kill anyone!” Ethan said, grinning. Then their face snapped back to a serious expression. “But seriously, I’m not entirely certain that he won’t skin you alive. Hannah’s probably gonna be scared of you, but I think she can sorta see people’s souls, so she’ll see that you’re good, and that’ll be fine.”

Wilbur nodded. “So, stay clear of Tom.” he said, finishing his sandwich.

“And steer clear of Lex. Ohhhhh boy.” Ethan laughed. “Lex is the only one who knows you directly too. I dunno what’s gonna happen if she gets home first, but it won’t be pretty.”

Suddenly, the two heard the front door open. “Ethan, you are not going to believe the shit that happened at this interview holy-” Lex had made her way into the kitchen, winter coat dusted with snow still on, and was kicking her boots off. She stopped the second she saw Wilbur sitting at the kitchen table. Her jaw dropped. 

“Uh, hi?”

She screamed. “Ethan, what the fuck is bootleg JC Chasez doing in the fucking kitchen?!”

“‘Bootleg JC Chasez?’”

Ethan grinned nervously. “Uh, babe, this is Wilbur-”

“You don’t need to tell me who the fuck that is! That’s the creepy ass motherfucker that hit on me at ToyZone!”

“Oh, right. I sincerely apologize for that, but to be fair I was possessed while doing that and therefore have no memory of it.”

Lex stared at him. “Sorry, you were WHAT?!”

“Lex, can I talk to you really quickly?” Ethan said, a nervous grin still there. “Please?”

Lex gave one more suspicious glare to Wilbur and followed Ethan into the living room. Wilbur was still sitting at the kitchen table, nervous. Then, he heard a furious scream. 

“HE’S DENIM SATAN??” 

Wilbur decided that now was a good time to make another caprese sandwich. 


	3. Chapter Two: He May Contain the Urge to Run Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lex is about to throw hands and Wilbur just wants a caprese sandwich

Unfortunately, Wilbur never got the chance to. The second he started to try and cut up a tomato, Lex burst into the kitchen. “What the fuck, you ugly ass grunge motherfucker?!” she yelled. 

“What is it with all of these nicknames?” Wilbur was very confused at this point. Especially when Lex slapped him across the face. “Ow.”

“Lex, don’t hit him!” Ethan had finally tried to save Wilbur, giving him a look of _oops_.

“What the fuck am I supposed to do? He hurt you and my little sister!”

“I did what?”

“Scared my little sister! How fucking dare you?!" She hit him again, harder.

Wilbur clutched his face and stumbled back. "Why would I do that?"

"I don't know? Because you got mad that Lou Pearlman wouldn't let you join his boy bands?!"

"Seriously, what is it with the 90s boy band themed insults?" Wilbur mumbled. He shook his head. Now was not the time to get distracted. "What did I do?"

Lex looked at him, confused and angry. "You don't even have the decency to remember? You scared my little sister! You stole their fucking soul and used their guise to scare her into giving up one of those ugly ass dolls!" She lunged for him again, but Ethan caught her by the shoulders and hauled her back.

"Lex, chill out! Something isn't right here."

She struggled. "Babe, I love you, but if you don't let go of my shoulders, I will fucking kill you too!"

"Lex, I need you to sit down." Ethan said calmly. "He doesn't remember what he did. Just hold on."

Lex reluctantly stopped struggling and sank down into the kitchen chair, glaring at Wilbur. "Fine. But I can and will cut this denim bitch."

"Thank you, Lex."

"Don't fucking test me. I'll kill him." Lex's eyes were burning into Wilbur's face. It was pretty scary, honestly.

"Okay! Moving on." Ethan said, giving Lex a stern look and turning back to Wilbur. "Wilbur, what can you remember?"

Wilbur sat down in the other kitchen chair and closed his eyes, trying to remember. "I remember the Black and White, and all the conversations we had. Everything else is a little screwy. I don't remember where I worked or anything else. All those memories, they're gone."

"Wait." Now Lex looked confused. "You don't remember stealing Ethan's soul?"

"No. But I remember all of our conversations. He said I took his soul. I just kind of figured I did It. That does sound like possessed me. But like, I hurt a kid?"

Ethan and Lex gave each other a look. "Yeah. My little sister, Hannah."

"Fuck." Wilbur mumbled, putting his head into his hands. "Shit."

"You were possessed by neon green Lucifer, dude. I think you have a pass." Ethan said, awkwardly patting him on the back.

"No, I don't," Wilbur sighed, lifting his head back up. "It doesn't matter how bad I had it. I shouldn't have hurt a kid. That was wrong."

Lex was looking at him now. "If you were possessed, then it's not-"

"I hurt a kid. A kid. She had nothing to do with anything-"

"Wilbur! Listen to me!" Lex was mad again, but not at him this time. "If there are gaps in a memory, then it's usually because the part of your brain that keeps memories was being controlled by something else."

Wilbur and Ethan spoke at the same time. "How do you-"

"That job interview was weird, okay? Trust me. Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault."

Wilbur opened his mouth to argue some more, even though he knew it would be futile. But just then, the three heard the garage door open. 

"Shit. Tom's home!" Lex said, looking out the window. "Wilbur, maybe you should hide."

"No! Lex, he'd find out eventually! We've gotta tell him now or else it'll be ten times worse."

"This is worrying me." Wilbur said uncomfortably. 

"You'll be fine!" Lex said, a little too brightly. "Just stay quiet and if he pulls a knife, then run."

"What?!" 

"Lex, quit scaring him. It won't be that bad! Probably!"

"Not helpful whatsoever, Ethan."

The door opened. "Hey hey hey! We're home-" a man in a red flannel shirt said cheerfully, walking through the door and immediately stopping when he saw Wilbur. "WHO THE HELL IS THAT?!"

Wilbur, following Lex's advice, didn't say anything, just waved.

When Tom spoke again, his voice was deathly, terrifyingly calm. "Lex, Ethan. Why is a strange man sitting at our kitchen table and why is he wearing all denim?"

"Uh, Tom, this is Wilbur." Ethan said nervously. "Wilbur, this is Tom Houston, my dad."

"Kid, I appreciate the sentiment, but quit trying to butter me up. Why is he here? How did he get into the house?"

"Tom, this is a very long story, so I'll try and keep it short. Wilbur stole my soul, but he doesn't remember that because he was possessed. I think he teleported here from another dimension."

Tom looked like he was about to pass out. “I’m sorry, WHAT?”

“Tom, why don’t we go into the other room and let us explain?” Lex said nervously. “We’re slowly piecing it together too. He doesn’t remember anything that he did and he needs our help.”

Tom frowned, but nodded. “Fine. I’m keeping a very close eye on you, sir.”

“Understandable, Mr. Houston.” Wilbur said, keeping his eyes trained on the floor.

With one more fear-inspiring glare, Tom followed Lex and Ethan into the living room. 

Wilbur was still very hungry, so he decided that he was going to actually make himself another caprese sandwich. As he got up and started to cut up a tomato again, he heard a rustling noise and immediately turned around.

There were two kids watching him silently, a boy and a girl. The girl seemed slightly older than the boy and were both wearing flannel jackets. The boy seemed like just a curious kid, but there was something about the girl. She was staring at him like she knew his secrets, everything about his past. _This must be Hannah_ , he thought.

"Hey, guys." he said awkwardly. He completely forgot how to talk to kids. "You want a caprese sandwich?" he said, gesturing to his mozzarella and tomato cuttings.

"Who are you?" the boy asked, squinting at his jacket. "Why do you have all those pins on your jacket? Why aren't you wearing shoes?"

"I'm wearing-" Wilbur looked downwards. He wasn't wearing shoes or socks. That was weird. "I'm Wilbur. I'm a friend of Ethan's. What's your name?"

"Tim. What's that pin for?" he said, pointing to the SK flag pin on his jacket. 

"Uh, I don't remember. I don't know why I have most of these pins."

Tim nodded, seemingly satisfied. But not for long. "Why are you wearing a denim jacket and jeans? How old are you? Where do you know Ethan from?"

He turned back to the counter and started to try and assemble a sandwich while answering the endless stream of questions. "Uh, I have no idea why I'm wearing this outfit, I'm 37 and I know Ethan from, uh, work." A lie, but hopefully it would appease the kid. 

Tim continued to chatter ceaselessly at his elbow. Hannah was still staring at him. Okay, this kid was starting to scare him. "Hey, you're Hannah, right?" 

Hannah nodded. "Cross. Black and White."

Well, at least she was talking, even if what she was saying was scary. "Yeah, my last name is Cross. Uh, how'd you know that?"

"Webby." Hannah said seriously. The name rang a bell in the back of his mind. 

"Huh. Do you want caprese?" he said, gesturing to his sandwich. She nodded and he started to assemble another sandwich. Tim grabbed one piece of tomato and another of mozzarella and ran upstairs. 

"You don't know Ethan from work, do you." Hannah stated. 

Wilbur almost lied again, but one look at Hannah told him that it wouldn't be a good idea. "No, I don't."

"You were in the Black and White with him, weren't you?" "How'd you know that?" This kid was actually terrifying him. 

"Webby." Wilbur decided not to question it.

"I did lie, but I didn't want Tim to know." 

Hannah nodded solemnly. "Okay." She took the sandwich and started to walk away. "I'm going to play Fortnite with Tim."

"I have no idea what that is, but have fun."

Hannah gave one last nod and walked upstairs.

Wilbur started to eat his sandwich and looked around the kitchen. It felt like…a home.

He, despite his best emotional barriers, could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long hopefully next chapter will be better and quicker.


	4. Chapter Three: Just Another Attempt to Make the Voices Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wilbur is having a bad time and Hannah is a queen

Life at the Houston-Foster-Green house was very strange, Wilbur decided after a week of being there. Not _bad_ , just strange. 

It was fairly loud, for one thing. Not loud, but there was always noise. People talking, video games being played, occasional humming, usually from Becky and Ethan. 

It was also so friendly. Ethan was as chill and cool with him as always and Tim seemed to think he was the coolest. Then again, Tim seemed to think everything was the coolest. Becky was nice enough, very careful around him, which was understandable, but she was still nice. Tom and Lex just didn't really trust him, Tom more so than Lex. Wilbur had a feeling Lex was warming up to him, though. Hannah was a bunch of mixed signals. She either liked or hated him. He wasn't sure which, so he just stayed out of her way. Unfortunately, that couldn't last forever.

"So, no one else can stay home with Hannah? Are you-"

Becky sighed, turning to face him and pulling her coat on over her hospital scrubs. "Tim and Tom are visiting Tim's aunt, I have work, and Lex and Ethan are at her new job. I need you to watch her. Don't burn the house down or I will burn you down. Understood?"

Wilbur gulped. "Yes ma'am." Becky scared him immensely. Her stare was cold as iron.

She smiled pleasantly. "Good! See you two later. Hannah, behave, okay? Everyone else'll be home soon."

Hannah nodded silently from the kitchen table. Becky gave one last reassuring smile and walked out the door.

Wilbur slowly sat down at the table. "So Hannah, what do you wanna do today?"

Hannah shrugged. "Dunno."

Wilbur nodded, trying to think of a game they could play or something. "Do you know how to play cards?"

Hannah shrugged. "I can play War. That's about it."

"Do you know where a deck of cards is?"

Hannah nodded and left. She returned with a deck of cards. He shuffled them and they played two rounds in complete silence. But the silence wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. It was just silent. Wilbur decided to try and speak. 

"So, Hannah. What do you like?"

Hannah looked up from where she was shuffling the cards. "I like spiders. I think they're cool."

"Spiders are cool. Uh, do you have a favorite kind of spider?"

"Black widow. Webby's a black widow."

This was the third time she'd brought up Webby. "If you don't mind me asking, who's Webby?"

"My friend. She tells me important stuff."

Wilbur nodded. It was decidedly not the weirdest thing he'd ever heard. "So, you and your sister seem close."

Hannah nodded. "She tried to get me to California. Get away from our mom. Mom hurt Lex."

"I'm sorry." There was another silence. "My dad hurt me too."

Hannah looked at him and nodded. "People helped you. You ran away." Wilbur nodded.

"Why did my mom hit me?" Hannah asked suddenly, confused and sad.

. How was he supposed to answer that? "Well," he said, trying to collect his thoughts and not leave the conversation, find Hannah's mom, and punch her lights out. "Sometimes people can't contain their anger, and so they take it out on the wrong people, you know. But anyone who hits kids shouldn't be considered a parent." 

Hannah nodded. "Okay."

The silence broken, Hannah and Wilbur did start to talk and continue playing War. Or rather, Hannah talked about spiders and Wilbur listened. The kid was passionate. She didn't remind him of himself, but her enthusiasm was endearing.

They finished another round and Wilbur stood up. "I'm gonna get some water. Do you want anything?"

"Tomato." Hannah said, gathering the cards together and shuffling them.

"Alright." He stood up and walked over to the cabinets, looking for a cup. He found one, walked over to the refrigerator-and dropped the cup and clutched his head. There was a sharp pain in his forehead, like he'd been shot. _How did he know what getting shot felt like?_ he wondered, then shook his head. That was a minor issue at the moment. Something was really wrong. It felt like his skull was being pried open. It was invasive and painful. He hoped he wasn't yelling. He didn't want to scare Hannah. Then, he heard a voice he recognized too well. 

_Hello, my bestest buddy-wud! It's been such a long time!_

And just like that, he was gone.

~-~

He had not, in fact, screamed and scared Hannah. Hannah, as a matter of fact, was shuffling the deck of cards happily and waiting for her tomato. She heard a thud and turned her head. Wilbur had fallen to his knees and was breathing heavily. She heard a voice. Webby. _Not strong enough. Stop it._

"Are you okay?" she said, cautiously walking over to him. 

Wilbur looked up, his eyes glowing a sickly neon yellow, and Hannah stumbled back. Something was wrong. This wasn't Wilbur, the man who had been listening to her ramble about spiders, who had offered to get her something from the kitchen. This was all wrong. The thing that wasn't Wilbur grinned menacingly at her. "Hannah, what's the face for? It's me." The voice was all wrong. Everything was so wrong.

"Not Wilbur." Hannah mumbled, backing away slowly and banging into the kitchen table. "Bad. Bad thing."

Wilbur- _not Wilbur-_ stood up jerkily, like a marionette on strings. "Come on, Hannah! I'm your friend! Why don't you come on over? We could have such a fun time!"

Hannah was panicking. "Webby, help me!"

"I don't think Webby can do that, Hannah. She can't stop me." The thing grinned menacingly and started to advance.

 _Bad thing. Bad._ "It's you! Bad double!" Her voice was shaking.

"Oh, smart girl!" It leered at her. "Why don't you-" Then, something happened. The yellow in his eyes flickered and vanished. Wilbur looked at her, terrified and confused. "What the hell is happening? Is it in my head?"

Hannah was too scared to say anything. She rapidly nodded her head. 

"Hannah, I'm so sorry. I don't know what's going on, but this asshole needs to-" His eyes twitched and the yellow returned. 

"Oh, trust me, I won't be leaving any time soon. I'll be here as long as you let me-" The yellow disappeared again. "I don't think so, motherfucker! Get the fuck out of my head! I am not letting you hurt this kid again! Don't repeat anything you hear me say to this bitch." he added as an aside to Hannah, who was using her newfound opportunity to run inside the kitchen. "I'm sorry, kid. I think I'm slipping again. You gotta get out of here before it hurts you."

Hannah shook her head. "Not leaving. Gotta stop it."

Wilbur shook his head. "I do not want you to get hurt!" Before he could say anything else, the yellow returned. "Come on Banana, don't you wanna be happy? I can do that for-"

Unfortunately, Wiggly didn't get to finish. Being slashed in the side can really do wonders for stopping possession.

~-~

Wilbur awoke with a splitting headache and a horrible pain in his left side. He was lying on the kitchen floor. Hannah walked in carrying a gigantic first aid kit.

"Hannah, what the hell happened?"

Hannah looked at him. "Bad thing. Black and white."

"Wiggly. That motherfucker." He started to sit up, but his side pained him enough to lay back down. "Shit."

"I hit your side. With a knife. Stopped the bleeding." she said, pointing to his side. Wilbur looked down and saw a red cloth pressed to his side. No, it was white. Had been white.

"You STABBED me??"

Hannah winced. "More of a slash. Had to get it out."

Wilbur took a deep breath. He thought he'd never have to do this again. "Hannah, I need you to look in the kit. Is there a curved needle and thread in there?"

She opened the kit and looked inside. "Yeah."

"Okay, I'm gonna need that and I need to move into a sitting position so gimme a second." He pushed himself up by the hands and agonizingly propped himself against the wall. "Fuck, that hurt."

Hannah was watching hesitantly.

"Alright, I'm about to stitch myself up. So, uh, don't look."

It hurt like hell. Hannah was wincing in sympathy the entire time. 

"There," he said, cutting the end of the thread with his teeth. "Like it never happened."

Just then, they heard a knock on the front door. 

"Got it." Hannah went and opened the door.

"Hey Banana! How are you doing?" 

"Wilbur got hurt."

"What?!" Lex and Ethan ran into the kitchen and saw Wilbur propped against the wall and fresh stitching in his side. He shot them finger guns. "What's up, my dudes!"

"Wilbur, what the hell happened?!"

"Got possessed, then slashed. I stitched myself up."

"Wilbur-"

"It's fine. Done it a million times. No one could help me when I was younger, so I learned how to do it myself."

Lex gave him a look. "Not what I was gonna say, but we are gonna need to talk about that. It's your eye."

"My eye? What the hell's wrong with my eye?"

"It's, um-"

"Lex, cut the bullshit. Your right eye is glowing yellow, Wilbur."

"It's doing WHAT? Oh god." He didn't even want to look.

Ethan and Lex exchanged looks. "Wilbur, I-I think the place I'm working for can help you."

"Unless it's an exorcist-"

"It's not." Ethan chimed in. "They call it PEIP."


	5. Chapter Four: Triggered By the Aftershock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Familiar faces are introduced  
> Feat. Members of The Paul Chat as random PEIP agents lmao thanks guys

Wilbur fidgeted with his jacket sleeves. He was sitting in the packed car in the very back, next to Lex. The car was eerily silent. Not even Tim was talking.

They pulled up to the nondescript office building.

"Wilbur, uh. Preferably don't say anything unless they tell you too. They're kind of. Scary. They might not trust you at first." Lex said, getting out of the car. "Scratch that, they definitely won't trust you at first."

"Good to know." Wilbur said. His voice was kind of shaking. "Should I be terrified?"

"Eh."

"Comforting. Thank you." His voice was totally shaking.

"Hey," Tom said, catching him by the shoulder. "Just tell them the truth, alright?"

Lex nodded. "That's the only way you'll survive." She joked weakly. No one laughed.

"Let's just get this over with." Wilbur sighed, adjusting his sunglasses that hid his yellow eye.

The odd family walked up to the front door. Lex pulled a black card out of her pocket and scanned it. A bored voice crackled over the speaker. "Hello. Welcome to PEIP, Paranormal Extraterrestrial Interdimensional Phenomena. State your name and business."

"Lex Foster. I have an appointment with-"

"Yes, come on in. Um, please limit your party to three people, including yourself."

Lex turned and looked at everyone, pursing her lips. "Okay. Wilbur, and Ethan, we're going in."

Tom started to protest, but Lex held up a hand. "Tom, Ethan has interacted with Wilbur the most out of everyone here. They can speak for his character."

Tom nodded reluctantly. "Fine. Be careful."

Lex nodded. "Always am. Come on, guys." She opened the door and Wilbur and Ethan trailed behind her.

A girl was sitting at the front desk. She had dark red hair and was concentrating on twirling a pen around her fingers. Her name tag read Private DeMano. When she looked up and saw Lex, her face lit up. "Lex! How've you been?"

"Doing good, Joc. Listen, I need you to get me in to see the general."

Joc nodded. "Yeah, don't worry." she replied, tapping a few buttons on her keyboard. Then, she noticed Wilbur. "Hey, you gotta take those sunglasses off, my dude. They don't allow that sort of thing except in the lab."

Wilbur shook his head. Joc frowned. "Sir, I need you to take them off right now."

"Wilbur, dude, just do what she says. They've seen way weirder, trust me."

Joc raised her eyebrows. "What the hell are the sunglasses hiding?"

Wilbur sighed and took off the sunglasses. Joc's jaw dropped. "Holy fucking shit!"

"Joc, we really need to get him to the general, because we don't know what's going on. Please let us in."

Joc nodded, eyes still fixed on the eye in shock. Wilbur put his glasses back on quickly. She tapped a few buttons on the keyboard and a door built into the wall opened. "Go on in."

"Without telling him?"

"Don't worry, I think he'll be fine. He's got a soft spot for you; I think you remind him of himself."

Lex nodded. "Alright, let's move. Thanks Joc."

Joc gave a small, sarcastic salute and the four walked through the door and down a long, dark hallway. Lex seemed confident, sure of herself. Her shoulders were set in a good posture and she was walking briskly. Wilbur glanced over at Ethan and saw them gazing dreamily at her. He gave Ethan a look, but they didn't notice. Wilbur rolled his eyes. God, that kid was so in love.

They finally stopped at a door. A man was standing outside it. He was short, but had a piercing stare that made even Ethan take a step back. Lex, however, didn't seem intimidated whatsoever. "Justyn, we've got an appointment with the general and I need you to let us in."

Justyn wasn't taking it, crossing his arms and frowning. "Name and-"

"You know who I fucking am, Justyn! Let me in!"

Justyn rolled his eyes, the mask of professionalism slipping slightly. "We are in a professional environment, Lex!"

"Ooh, you do know my name! Let me in!" The banter was practiced, friendly. Both of them were fighting smiles.

"Fine, I suppose I could." Justyn said, pressing a button on the door and speaking quietly. Wilbur heard a beep and the door clicked open. "Go inside. Make it quick."

"What, you've got a date with your alien boyfriend in here or something soon?" Lex snarked back. Justyn flipped her off, allowing a grin to slip through as the door closed.

"Hey, babe, quick question. He's dating a-"

"Alien? Yep. Lovely guy. I've learned not to question it." Lex said calmly. Ethan and Wilbur gave each other the same look at the same time.

The lab was full of shiny objects but Wilbur had a feeling all of them would blow in his face if he so much as breathed on them, so he kept his hands in his pockets, glaring at all the things he couldn't touch.

There was a small office with tinted windows. Wilbur could faintly see the outline of a small group inside. Lex knocked on the door. "Sir?" she called. "It's me, Cadet Foster. I have-"

The door clicked open and the crowd of people was revealed to be only two people, one a man with black waved hair and dark glasses and the other a man with long dark blonde hair-wait. He recognized the second man. But from where? How?

The man with the glasses spoke up first. " Lex, who is-"

"Lex, I'm going to need you to tell me right now where the hell you found this man." The second man interrupted, drawing his gun. "Sorry to interrupt, Xander, but I recognize this man. Wilbur Cross, how are you here?"

The man with the glasses drew his gun as well. "This is Cross?"

"Um, what are you-"

"How the hell did you get here?"

Wilbur's hands were shaking as he held them up. Ethan and Lex noticed. "General McNamara, sir, your highness, what's going on?" Ethan asked, panicked.

"This man is a highly dangerous individual that should not be here in this dimension." 

"Wilbur?? This bitch?? Please. The other day he cried because he saw a sunset." Lex exclaimed, brash as ever, but her eyes kept darting between them frantically.

"I'm Wilbur Cross, and I don't know what the hell is going on." His breathing was becoming more and more erratic. He grabbed the edge of the desk for stability. Xander lowered his gun. "John, he looks like he's about to pass out. Hold on, let him sit down."

John gave a quick nod and Wilbur collapsed into the desk chair, grabbing his arms tightly.

John and Xander talked in hushed voices. Lex went over to Wilbur and patted his shoulder awkwardly. "You good?"

He shook his head. "Scared. Sorry."

"It's fine."

Xander finally turned to Wilbur. "Do you recognize this man?" He pointed to John.

Wilbur slowly shook his head. "I'm sorry, sir. I know you, but I don't know who you are. You're strangely familiar, but I really don't know why. Please believe me. I have literally no clue what's going on."

John and Xander exchanged glances. John spoke up first, into a small radio on his vest. "Private Bates, I need you to come to Lab 42 and escort this man to Sergeant Miller. It's very urgent. Thank you."

Wilbur stood up too quickly, causing John to draw his gun again. He held up his hands in response. "Where are you going to take me? What's going on?!"

"Calm down, Cross." Xander said, stepping between them. "John, put the gun down. Cross, all Sergeant Miller will do is look you over psychologically. He's incredible at his job."

"Yeah, man." Ethan said, finally speaking up. "He had to look me over after they heard I was brought back from the Black and White. He's really cool." Ethan's eyes were begging him to sit down. So he did.

"Fine." 

Right on cue, a person burst into the room, green hair tied into a ponytail.

"Ah, just in time. This is Private Bates, they'll be escorting you to Sergeant Miller. Private."

Private Bates gave a quick nod. "General." They turned to Wilbur. "Let's go."

He sighed and followed Private Bates away, glancing back once. Ethan and Lex looked worried, and Xander and John just looked determined. 

So Wilbur sighed and allowed himself to be led away, with no idea what was going to happen


	6. Chapter Five: Don't Wanna Scare You Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wilbur meets a cute boy and also shouldn't be alive. Which is cool.

Private Bates walked down the hall briskly, Wilbur trying his best to keep up. They didn't speak to him, but occasionally looked back, making sure Wilbur was following them. They eventually stopped by a door, which read Lab 42 on it. Bates gestured to it. "He'll be right in, just sit tight."

Wilbur nodded. "Thank you."

Bates nodded back, allowing a small smile. "You'll be fine."

Wilbur weakly smiled back and pushed the door open. It looked like a doctor's exam room mixed with a therapist's office, with a small plastic covered bed and a bookshelf and two chairs immediately across from it. He didn't know where to sit, so he kept standing instead, eyes falling on a shiny silver ball on the bookshelf. His curiosity got the better of him and he walked over to the sphere, carefully picking it up.

It didn't immediately shatter in his hands, so he considered that an absolute win. He slowly figured out that it was made up of multiple tiny silver magnetic balls. 

Wilbur figured out that he could maneuver the magnets into a bunch of different shapes and was in the process of trying to make a band out of them when he heard someone clear their throat behind him. He almost dropped the magnets and turned around slowly.

A man was standing behind him, wearing the same black uniform the privates had been wearing combined with Xander's dark glasses. His name tag said Sergeant Miller. _Shit this was the guy you had to make a good impression on goddammit Wilbur_. He put his hands behind his back, trying to hide the magnets unsuccessfully. "Uh, hi."

"Hi." The guy raised his eyebrows. "So, you found the magnets, huh?"

Wilbur sighed, bringing them out from behind his back. "Yeah. I did."

The man smiled at him. "It's fine. Take a seat."

Wilbur nervously sank into one of the chairs and the man copied him. "I'm Sergeant Sebastian Miller." He held out his hand and Wilbur hesitantly reached out and shook it. Any physical touch at the moment was… weird for him. He was absolutely certain his hand was sweaty and gross. "Sergeant-"

"Just call me Sebastian. I don't care about titles." Sebastian said, taking off his glasses. His eyes were a bright, vibrant green. Oh shit. He had really pretty eyes. Focus.

"I'm-"

"Wilbur Cross, yes. I know." Sebastian grinned at him. His smile was really pretty. _Fucking focus, Cross. Now is not the time._

"So, I'm going to ask you some questions about what you've been feeling and any, uh. Incidents that may have taken place. But uh, before that, I'm gonna have to take a blood sample and physically examine you somewhat."

Wilbur nervously budgeted with the magnets. "Blood sample?"

"Yep. Just one tube. You'll be okay. Lasts ten seconds. I promise." Sebastian stood up. "Give me a few minutes to prepare the syringe. Uh, go sit up on the table? You can hold the magnets if you want." Wilbur nervously went to sit on the table, swinging his legs back and forth. "So," he said nervously. "What's your favorite color?"

Wilbur couldn't see Sebastian, but somehow knew he was smiling. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, I mean, you're taking a blood sample and you're gonna psychologically evaluate me? That's pretty personal, ya know. Maybe we should start small. So, what's your favorite color?"

Sebastian turned back to Wilbur, a grin on his face. "It's green. Dark green's my favorite." He tied a rubber band around Wilbur's arm. "What's yours?"

"Hm. I have lots of favorites. Colors are cool, especially after everything. Being in a vast expanse of blackness really helps you appreciate them."

Sebastian raised his eyebrows, giving Wilbur an indiscernible look. "Least favorite, then?"

"Neon green. Definitely. It's fucking ugly. I guess my favorite color, if I had to pick one, would be orange."

"Why orange?"

"Kind of like a light orange, I guess. Like a sunset. You know what I-OW!" Sebastian had somehow readied the needle and inserted it while Wilbur had been rambling about orange.

"Sorry! I couldn't insert the needle if you were tense, or else it would hurt more! Don't look at it, okay?"

Of course, Wilbur immediately looked down and saw his blood going into the syringe. "Shit, is that my blood?" He asked, panicked, voice shaky.

Sebastian looked at him like he was an idiot. "No, it's mine. Of course it's yours!"

"Right." Wilbur was squeezing the magnets as tight as he possibly could. "How much-"

"That's it. We're done." Sebastian took the needle out carefully and pressed a piece of cotton to the place he had inserted the syringe, wrapping a piece of medical tape around it.

"Oh. Cool." Wilbur moved his arm gingerly. He stood up shakily and moved back to the armchair, fiddling with the magnets. 

Sebastian sat down in the chair next to him, picking up a notebook. "Right. So, tell me everything you remember from the Black and White to being here, right now."

Wilbur took a deep breath and launched into the full story, but when he got to the possession, he hesitated. Sebastian frowned at him. "What is it?"

"The reason why I'm here. I don't think I should-"

"I need to know. It'll help me get a picture of everything that's happening with you and your mental state. What happened?"

Wilbur crushed the magnets into a ball again. "I got possessed."

Sebastian raised his eyebrows. "Do tell."

Wilbur reluctantly told what had happened. Sebastian didn't say a word throughout the story. In fact, he barely reacted. When Wilbur finally finished, he just nodded. "Well, that, uh, sucks a lot, dude."

"No shit." There was a short, awkward pause, but thankfully, a small machine beeped and Sebastian ran over, withdrawing some papers from the machine and scanning them. 

"Well, let me tell you the good news. You are not being manipulated by Wiggly right now. Consciously or subconsciously. It might make an appearance again, but at the moment, despite your, um. Eye and such, it isn't possessing you fully. That means you are safe to be around at the moment."

Wilbur nodded, relieved. That was good news. 

"However, you do have some….weird vitals."

He frowned. "Like what?"

"Well, for one, your blood pressure is very low. Like, so low that you shouldn't be alive at the moment. So I might have to run more experiments, and they'll take longer to get the results for, but hopefully by the end, we'll have a clearer picture of what's happening with you."

Wilbur sighed. "Bring it, man. I don't really care at this point." He had no choice. If he was ever going to be able to become a functioning member of society again, he was going to have to suck it up and figure out what the hell was going on with him.

**Author's Note:**

> God thanks for reading this  
> I'm on tumblr @ifeelasongcomingon


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